


Thick As Thieves

by malafight



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Human AU, can crimefic be a thing, is crimefic a thing, pearlmethyst robs a bank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 23:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6491098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malafight/pseuds/malafight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bank teller Amethyst stops newbie robber Pearl mid-holdup, and things don't really go as planned. Not because she hands her over to the authorities, mind you. Slightly less legal than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thick As Thieves

**Author's Note:**

> yo hello sup i actually completely forgot that i had an ao3 like immediately after i posted the stuff from december and hooooly nerts i have things i really need to respond to i am so sorry
> 
> anyhow look at this i have glorious pearlmethyst human au bank robbery fic for u
> 
> i have many things planned for this gay trainwreck so stick around theyre gonna actually pull off a heist with the homeworlds later on
> 
> also i have more fics planned and i draw too so i guess hit me up on the tumbs if you want, my current url is malafight, thank you for reading ily and goodnight

It was the _prettiest_ robbery note she'd seen thus far, Amethyst decided. The letters were tall and stretched thin, unnecessary loops and swirls slightly lopsided from rushing, but the words scribbled on the back of the deposit slip had a sort of elegance that she hadn't really seen the _last_ three times her window had been robbed.

_I am armed. Please empty the drawer. I don't want to harm you._

The slim robber in front of her had both of their hands hidden inside the front pouch of a dark blue hoodie, a baseball cap pulled low enough to shadow their eyes. When the bustling of a nearby customer caused them to jump slightly and whip around, Amethyst managed to catch a glimpse of her robber's features.

She matched her handwriting, it seemed. Tall, willowy, pale skin, high cheekbones, aquiline features... Her teeth were clenched and her cheeks were wet, though, which gave Amethyst a moment's pause. When the robber faced her again, she could see the girl's shoulders shaking.

A soft _hm_ and she leaned in closer to the robber to whisper.

"Hey, princess, you don't wanna do this."

"I _have_ to," came the quiet, shaky reply. Amethyst pushed the deposit slip back over to her.

"Trust me, you don't. You won't make it out the door. We've been robbed eight times in the past two months and our security guy is just _dyin'_ to try out the 9mil they issued him last week."

A soft whimper came from the girl as she backed away. Amethyst caught her hand and tugged her closer.

"Hey, listen, you're doin' this for a good reason, yeah? Lemme help. Meet me in the alley around back in, like, five."

"I have no reason to trust you!"

"Listen, princess. I could lose my job 'cuz I saved your ass instead of followin' protocol, and I got bills to pay. Doubt the next teller you get'll be so willin' to risk their neck. You need help, I don't wanna see a pretty girl like you bleedin' out on the floor. This ain't so much win-win as _you ain't got much of a choice_. See you in the alley."

As her would-be robber scurried off, Amethyst set the _Closed_ sign in the middle of her window and pushed away from the counter, stretching as she stood and headed for the break room. She waved her supervisor over to let her know where she was going (" _Gotta take an early lunch, girlfriend's havin' a crisis." "This one isn't going to set the dumpsters on fire like the last one, is she?" "Not if you let me take my lunch early." "...I swear to god, Amy, if you don't start picking better girlfriends..." "Eh, I got a type. Sue me."_ ) before swiping her lunch bag out of the fridge and heading down the hall and out into the alleyway.

When Amethyst got outside, the girl was waiting for her, folded nervously into one of the wobbly metal chairs in the alley; there were two, and a small patio table with a cracked glass top to match. As modern and sleek as the part of the bank the customers saw was, the staff areas were... slightly less well-kept.

Amethyst flopped down in the second chair and loosened her collar, tugging at her tie and watching the robber girl as she fidgeted nervously under her scrutinizing gaze.

"So, princess, you got a name?" Amethyst asked, grinning, as she pulled a lumpy sandwich and a bottle of water out of her bag. The other girl jumped slightly, shook her head. "Princess it is. Me, I’m Amethyst. Now," the sandwich was set dramatically down on the table before Amethyst was standing again, leaning over the table towards Princess. "What in the _hell_ were you thinkin' comin' in here tryin' a half-assed note job? You ain't a tweaker. You _definitely_ ain’t tryna prove anything. You were gonna get killed for two grand, _max!_ The hell’s so important you’re gonna cry through a damn robbery for?”

The girl shrank away, pulled her hood and cap down over her face, shaking her head. Amethyst paused momentarily in the hopes that her quiet companion would say _something_ before she let out a gruff _augh!_ and sat back down, unwrapping her sandwich.

“Fine. Whatever. You don’t wanna talk, I won’t make ya.” She eyed her lunch, then glanced up at the other girl and let out a deep sigh. After a rough job of tearing her sandwich in half, she offered one half to the quiet robber. “Here. If you’re tryna knock off a bank I bet you ain’t got much at home. ‘s just an STK so don’t expect much, but ‘sall I brought with me today.”

“Princess” reached over to take the proffered food before catching sight of it and recoiling, her lips curled in disgust.

“N-no, thank you! What… _is_ that?”

Amethyst raised an eyebrow before bringing her sandwich back and taking a bite of the half she’d offered to the other girl.

“STK. Y’know, Sweep the Kitchen. The Budget Special. When it’s the day before payday ‘n you gotta find _somethin’_ to put on the bread.” Still chewing, she tipped the top slice of bread up to examine it. “Today’s special looks like pimiento cheese, a dollop a’ instant potatoes, maybe two slices a’ ham, shredded cheddar... “ She licked the side of it. “Hm. Sweet relish, egg salad, and I think honey.”

“That sounds… disgusting.”

Amethyst took another bite and shrugged.

“‘s food. Could be worse. 'Least none of it's spoiled."

Princess started again, opened her mouth to speak, before she sank back into the chair and made a soft _hm_ sound. After a moment, she did speak, her voice quiet.

“It’s Tuesday.”

“Well… yeah? And?” Amethyst said, her attention on licking… _something_ from her sandwich off her hand. The first half had already disappeared and she was eyeing the second half like she was trying to figure out the best place to start.

“N-nothing.”

“So you gonna talk to me or did I take an early lunch for nothin’, Princess.”

“Pearl.”

“Eh?”

“My name is Pearl.” She sighed and pulled her hood down. Without the hood covering it up, Amethyst could see she had short, strawberry-blonde hair. From beneath the baseball cap poked a hairclip with a bundle of small pink flowers decorating it.

Amethyst leaned forward and snatched the hat off her head as well, turning it backwards as she jammed it down over her own dark hair. It was a bit of a tight fit.

“So, P, what’s a pretty little thing like you doin’ robbin’ my bank-”

“I’m _not_ a thing!” Pearl bristled, standing, before she covered her mouth and sank back down. “I-I just… don’t have a choice.”

Amethyst, still shocked some by the slight girl’s outburst, scratched her head, the movement knocking the hat a bit lopsided.

“See, that still don’t explain a damn thing.”

“...we’re going… to lose… our home.” she said, haltingly, her hands fiddling with the loose folds of her jeans.

“ _Now_ we’re gettin’ somewhere. Keep talkin’ princess.”

“M-medical bills.” Pearl set her jaw and sighed. “Someone very close to me was very sick for a long time, and we had to take out a loan against the house and the land. And we’ve just… never quite gotten back on our feet.”

“We? How many ‘we’s you talkin’ about?” Amethyst asked, back to eating.

“Ahh…” Pearl paused and counted on her fingers to be sure. It took a couple of stops and starts. “There are eight of us… and two dogs… the cow… ahh, the chickens… all the cats...”

“Jesus, have you tried gettin’ a show on TLC?”

“What?”

“...eh, nevermind. How much debt are we talkin' here?"

"Something like... two hundred... Um, two hundred thousand."

Amethyst burst out laughing, slapping her hand on the table and making the two halves of the glass clatter as the ash tray bounced to the beat of her slaps. Pearl's expression went from surprised confusion to _righteous indignation_.

" _Wh-what's so funny??"_

"Y-you--" Amethyst tried to talk through clenched teeth, shaking her head. "Y-you gonna hold up like a hunnard damn banks, P?" She rested her head on the table, shoulders shaking. Pearl looked on, face reddening, as she bit her lip and frowned.

"I don't see what's so funny!!"

Amethyst finally raised her head, wiped a tear away.

"You'd be lucky to get a quarter of that, doin' note jobs, before they catch ya!"

"...that _isn't_ funny."

"Not for you, nope. You'd be luckier with a full takeover or two, but good luck convincing the rest of your litter to storm a bank."

"I know you're a bank _teller_ , but I wasn't aware this was in your job description." Pearl said haughtily, folding her hands in her lap and side-eying Amethyst. The shorter girl looked taken aback before she caught Pearl's lips turning up into a small smile.

"So you _do_ got a sense of humor in there!" She laughed, nose wrinkling. Pearl looked away sheepishly, her cheeks a very light shade of pink.

"Of course I do. I didn't just start existing the moment I walked into your bank."

"Whoa," Amethyst raised her hands defensively, "Wasn't sayin' that."

There was a few moments of silence as Amethyst finished her sandwich and started cleaning up.

"So, whatcha plan on doin' now? Note jobs net two, maybe three grand if you're lucky. You can prolly manage three or four before they start broadcastin' your face from here to eternity. Wouldn't count on _that_ for whatcha need."

"...are- are you trying to _help_ me?" Pearl asked, incredulous. Amethyst shrugged.

"I figure you're gonna try it anyway, might as well do it right. Someone as pretty as you ain't gonna last long if you get caught, is all."

"You... think I'm pretty?"

"Well, yeah. The hell you think this li'l lunch date was about?"

"This is _not_ a date!"

Amethyst shrugged, grinning.

"What can I say? A girl can hope. Wanna take me home t' meet your parents?" At Pearl's confusion, she actually straightened up some and rubbed the back of her neck. "...actually, I was serious about that one. Wanna see what's so important you'd risk your neck to save."

Pearl's expression softened a bit and she smiled.

"...if you knew Rose, you'd understand."

"Welp." Amethyst sighed and stood. "Looks like I'm meetin' this Rose character. Hold on a sec."

Before Pearl could say anything, Amethyst had her head poked back inside the door and was yelling down the hall.

"Ey, boss! Callin' it a day, girlfriend says I'm sick and need to go to bed right now immediately! Clock me out, will ya?"

"Fucksake, Amy, I will stop letting your girlfriends visit you on the clock if this is gonna keep happening."

"I have no idea what you're talkin' about. I'm ill. I think it's affectin' my ears. Did I just hear, 'Amethyst, get well soon?'"

"I _swear to God_ , Amethyst. Just go already."

Amethyst let the door swing shut, grinning. Pearl was _bright red_.

"If you're implying that we're going to-"

Amethyst walked over and patted her arm.

"Chill, P. They ask less questions if ya give 'em too much information from the start. Now, I hope you had a getaway car, cuz my bike can't carry us both."


End file.
